essence

the thought of you gone
lonliness
the idea of no more
despair
to be without
hapiness
inclomplete
perfection
important ideas
all just defeated
the essence of choice
forever no more

rest

as i lay down to rest
i don't want to feel
i dont want to be
so tired of everything
so tired of me
deafening silence
previous happiness
painful absence
regret
no interest
no passion
no love
obscure distance
i sit alone
not on the phone
not online
i know im not fine
i kill my thoughts
im more crazy than not
cant feel myself
i know i need help
must be going insane
its all in my brain
sadness
is what i get
it's all there is
as i lay down to rest

should but can't

you say i smother you
yet we havent talked in days
im scared i bother you
my life has become a haze
you say you love attention
but i give you too much
i try to hide my affection
just short of giving up
i cry my eyes out constantly
no one has a heart to lend
i dry my eyes but cant get free
would like it all to end
havent written in days
i feel it slipping away
please just talk to me
theres a million ways
for you to contact me
but you wont stay
wont come on so strong
ill just sit and weep
why do i have to wait so long
im acting like a creep
should i get high?
i cant keep doing this
should i say bye?
i cant keep on with this
should i still try?
i cant keep going there
should i just die?
maybe i should, no one cares.

Paranoid Confusion

It may never happen,
it may never be,
but the more that I wonder,
the stronger that I feel.

Insecure delusion,
trying to be me,
I created an obsession,
and it's trying to break free.

Paranoid confusion,
surrounding as it must,
I try to find the passion,
in these feelings that I trust.

I try, I cry, I don't know why I fight it.
I die inside, and I cannot seem to hide it.
I've dried my eyes, but I wonder if I'll make it.
I'll buy the lies, and anyone who fakes it.

It may never happen,
it may never be,
but the more that I wonder,
the stronger that I feel.

Insecure delusion,
trying to be me,
I created an obsession,
and it's trying to break free.

Paranoid confusion,
surrounding as it must,
I try to find the passion,
in these feelings that I trust.

I try, I cry, I don't know why I fight it.
I die inside, and I cannot seem to hide it.
I've dried my eyes, but I wonder if I'll make it.
I'll buy the lies, and anyone who fakes it.

eternity

an emotional hardship
is what life really is
pleasure and happiness
would be better than this

i throw out my feelings
they get stepped on and ignored
i bare my soul; my life; my thoughts
leave nothing to be wondered
nothing to guess, nothing left inside
nothing at all but the guilt that i hide

i feel too much and i feel too strong
out on a whim and i'm going insane
i cannot argue with my heart
it runs my emotion; it leads my brain

all i know is what it tells me
sink into oblivion and away from sanity
all this time the darkness held me
i crawl back into my hole for all of eternity

full of it

work nine to five
like we are trained
some of us are
just going insane

our society is just
a complex facade
our lives are owned
freedoms just a thought

cant get free
cant speak out
no one will hear it
they're full of doubt

live your life
make the best of it
this whole damn planet
is full of shit

escape

i can't escape
cant break free
i used to think
things revolved around me

what was i thinking
where'd i go wrong
i'll just sit back
and sing this song

about my life
about my time
tell my emotion
tell all my crimes

spill my guts
all the details
because sometimes
my conscience fails

i drink to kill
my guilty thoughts
i try to escape
this blame ive got

i wait

i wait for the day
that you'll be happy
i wait for the time
that you will be fine

i wait for your call
the phone never rings
i can't hear your voice
and you can't hear mine

i wait for the day
that i'll be content
that day will come
when the sun again shines

i wait for the words
that i want to hear
i put on the pressure
i know its a crime

i drift to obsession
i fall from my dreams
i will never forget you
just learn from this time

take it in

i take my pills
to get away
nothing helps
i fade away

my conscience kills
what have i done
my one true love
now holds the gun

i close my mind
i hide my thoughts
guilt are sadness
are what i've got

i can't hold back
what's on my mind
the way i feel
is all i find

so here i am
in full despair
that's how life is
it's just not fair

will i

i search for love
if not my soulmate
it could be pure
or im mistaken

will she be mine
when ive found her
will i win her?
or will i flounder

will i suffer
from my mistakes
or will i offer
my heart to take

so hard to win
this game of love
just take it in
much like a drug

losing hurts
it's how life goes
will i lose
nobody knows...

nobody knows...

nobody knows...

i had you

i miss you
all day long
hurts so much
feel your touch
slipping away

i tell you
the way i feel
whats on my mind
what will you find
that i need you

i love you
my heart wont stop
my thoughts agree
im filled with greif
i cant go on

i need you
here in my life
right here with me
cant set me free
wont let it end

i lose you
its all ended
life means shit
im through with it
my soul has died

i blame you
why do i cry
i caused it all
im meant to fall
through endless dark

i had you
all over now
theres noone home
down to the bone
i end it all

meaning and balance

as i hear your voice
happiness fills me
your beauty
takes me away

your delicate touch
calls to me
your beautiful voice
touches me
your perfect smell
beckons me
your lovely smile
taunts me

you give meaning
you give balance
id do it again
it's the meaning of love
pain is not inevitable
lonliness not essential
you deserve to love
you deserve happiness
don't hold back
all it will do
is hurt you more

inside and out

i say it
it hurts
you say ok
i die

i cant take it
it tears me apart
i'm crying
inside and out

it's so hard to wait
but i must wait
forever if only
to have your friendship
to be there for you

i know you hurt
i'm sorry you do
i hurt too
i'm being a fool
cant take this anymore

dont know what to do
i'm coming apart
i'm ripping away
inside and out

i feel

i feel so empty
without your voice
i feel so helpless
without you nearby
i feel so heartless
for what have done

i'd do anything for you
whatever you want
id do any thing to say
that you are mine
i'd do anything to feel
you here in my bed
id do anything at all
to hear you say it
id do anything at all
to just hear "i love you"

you consume me

you consume my mind
i cant think straight
the words are hard to find
could this be fate?

you consume my day
i'm under your spell
don't know what to say
couldnt you tell?

you consume my heart
it's burning inside
almost right from the start
my sadness has died

you consume my life
as i write for you
i hope that you'll hear it
my love for you is true

you consume my soul
i yearn for your touch
you make me a whole
i miss you so much

as you go

as you go with him
to have a night of fun
all that i can feel
if feel like we're done
but i wont let you go

i miss you when you're gone
i wait to hear your voice
i yearn to feel your touch
i miss you so damn much

i'd like you to be mine
until the end of time
nothing could change my mind
if you're searching you wont find
a reason this shouldn't be
or proof that its not destiny

me and you

anger fills me
love takes over

silence breaks me
goosebumps all over

emotions haunt me
they tear me apart

waiting kills me
it pierces my heart

i just want to hold you
tell you everything is fine

i just want to kiss you
until you'll be mine

i just want to love you
make everything alright

i dont want to lose you
it hurts that i might

if i

if i had a car
i'd be there by your side
if it wasnt hard
i'd be there when you cried
ill sit here waiting for you
ill miss you when you're gone
i know it's not alright
but this is the way i feel
i like it when your honest
you think you shouldnt be
but what is there but honesty
when its the way you feel
how did you do this to me
made me feel this way
why do you fight
with me tonight
you say i dont care
you know thats not fair
you know that i love you
ive said how i feel
it saddens me dearly
that you've made me cry
and you say whatever
and just say goodbye

afraid

afraid it will end
been afraid all this time
afraid he'll find out
afraid ive been wrong
what have i done
didnt want to hurt anyone
the hurt will be me
you and him will be free
do not worry 'bout me
as hard as it is
never wanted it to end
definately not like this
not right now or ever
is it inevitable
that we're severed?

caused

why do you cry
why do you even try
what have i done
why wasnt i done
before i hurt you
before i told you
they way i felt
the way i thought
of you
of us
the way we could be
if things were different
why is it this way
why is life like this
why does hurt
i caused it all
the way i fall
the way i feel
its all over
maybe i should end it all
just stop it all
just end it all
the only way i can
with my wrist and a knife
end all this strife
it would be all over
because that whats i want
for you to be happy

why

why exist?
why persist?
why resist?

its destiny
its set in stone
its the way it should be

i conflict
i never picked
for it to be this way

things just happened
feel like im trapped
is the heart of another
more important than mine?

i cant decide
how do i choose
who should it be

why me
why her
why us

what to do
what to choose
what will happen

feelings

feelings
define who we are
emotions
the essence of our being

what do you do; when you feel for two
to make a choice; that will hurt so much
internal conflict; it tears you apart
is it a sin; was it meant to be

feelings
define who we are
emotions
the essence of our being

wonder all day; can these feelings be true
ponder and wonder; yearn for your touch
too much emotion; it tears up the heart
thinking of you; just want you to be free

thoughts

im sad when you cry
it's not what i want
i'd rather you're happy
which is why i should go
bury this thing forever
so it will never be found
never remebered
buried beneath the ground
coming into your life
it was strange how this happened
because you were happy before
without me in the way
keeping you up all night
taking up your whole day
but i cant let you go
i want you to be mine
i know im not perfect
i know nobody is
but when i think of you
i see my escape
i see us together
it might be meant to be
just like you said
maybe im setting you free

sitting here

sit here and wait
for you to call
sit here and think
i know it's my fault
sit here and cry
should be ending it all
sit here and wonder
why do we stall?

sit here and hope
for an easy way out
sit here and ponder
what it is you're about
sit here and realize
what it is i should shout
sit here and shudder
is there a right way out?

choice

an emotional response
all anybody wants
my memory haunts me
can i break free
where should i be
if not there with you
don't know what to do
no idea what to say
let come what may
the choice is not mine
know ill be just fine
waiting here for all time
the choice is not mine

conscience

Always there and always waiting,
life's not fair so continue hating.
This is life, so complicated,
What to do now just cant be stated.
Will it end? No one knows.
Should it be? My conscience grows.
Just a thought deep in my heart.
What were we doing from the start?
As it dies it makes no sense.
Here im left with no defense.
Hearts get broken and life's a risk.
But it was fun, though only brisk.

complete

darkness
content
shaking
uncontrolled
shivering
passionate
complete